Little Lamb Rachel

A friend just told me that he & his wife cannot attend my wedding…

To be honest,I’m really sad that they can’t be around cos they will be overseas…Is sad because there are just some people that you know in your heart that you truly want their presence & blessings..He is someone who have impacted & make a difference in my life…Though he is no longer a CGL,what he had said to me or the things that has dropped into my heart still remains fresh..

This is the second friend who can’t attend my wedding.

Another friend also had a wedding on the same day & she happened to be one of the entourage.She did promise that she will try to squeeze time at least to come for the Holy Matrimony…

Both are good friends & they have walked with me in the different seasons of my life..
How sad it is that they can’t be around…

Sitting in the living room of a 5 Rm flat can be alittle scary…Cos is simply too big & too quiet..

Went to Punngol house alone just now after work to write the invites & envelopes…Though I switch on the TV,I just can’t help but feel a little lonely & a little scared..Probably,I’m not the owner of the house too & still not that familiar & comfy with the place..

I thought I can finished in 1 hour’s time & can leave the place at 915pm…But I only left at 10pm & I still did not complete the list of names that I wanted to (but partly cos I forgot to bring the guestlist,so gota rely on memory)…

But is so sad…that I have to write the invites alone by myself…

Rac was just telling me yesterday over msn that Enqi keep chanting “Gan Ma” recently until her MIL says Enqi must have missed Gan Ma.. (hopefully is really so..heeheee)

The funny thing is sometimes when she see someone on TV who looks like Gan Ma,she will start her “Gan Ma” chanting..

Enqi…Gan Ma will try her best to bring you out again,ok? Heeehee..

Sigh…Don’t know where I cannot access MSN at work today..Something’s wrong with the offsite browser..After logging in,I can’t see all my contact list…Tried log in & log out a few times but still no success..

I think I’m suffering from MSN withdrawal symptom…Feel so weird not being able to see all my friends online while at work after being able to secretly access MSN for almost 2 wks..

Following my earlier post,my friend say that I have changed alot…The other day,when I added another sec sch friend in my Facebook,he also said that I have changed alot till he almost didn’t recognize me..Plus they used to call me by my Chinese name during my Primary - JC days..

So,I began to wonder - have I changed that much?

Change - definitely Yes..And I like to think that I have change & become prettier… At least I choose to think that is from an ugly ducking to a beautiful swan…From not knowing who to put on make-up & dressing till knowing how to do so with confidence…This is my blog & this is my freedom…Whatever you can see it,you can have it..Positive words brings positive actions & results…

But beyond the exterior changes,there is also the internal changes that have taken place ever since Jesus starts living in me…From someone who is always feeling inadequate, having no sense of security,not knowing what destiny I can have to someone who can lead a CG today,being confident & comfortable in who I am,I think I have come a long way & the works,molding,pruning,cleaning,etc,etc that God has done in my life is something that cannot be erased or removed…Friends,we are the living testimony that Jesus is alive & He still changes lives today…

A long-lost friend added me today in her Facebook.
Facebook is good & thank God for technology.

I’m really happy to find this long lost friend..Though we probably need to meet up & chat like how we got to know each other,how we grew apart,blah,blah,blah..Im really glad to find my friends..They were afterall,friends in different seasons in my life,whom have grown up together with me…

The best thing is,she is also a child of God now & working full-time as a church worker..Wow…When God touches heart & changes life,that’s what will happen - living a life worthy of His calling…Then she told me to go add another sec sch friend & she is also a believer now..I went…Wow…Praise the Lord!!

So,we chatted awhile on msn & I said,”how come no one reach out to us & share the gospel with us when we were in sec sch?” Cos we do have a few friends who come from Christian family..And my first boyfriend was also a Christian..(aiyo,it was an unequally yoke r/s then,hahahaa)

But God has His perfect timing…Thank God that I know I shall see some of this sec sch friends in eternity & this assurance & joy in my heart is something that words can’t express..

Imagine sitting 9 hours in front of the computer & only leaving your seat for toilet breaks or pantry breaks to re-fill water…

Ouch,both my butt & legs ache & hurt…You know this very “suan” feeling..Plus,my back aches also…I already have neck + shoulder pain quite often due to a desk-bound job & my shoulders tend to cringe when I’m stressed (which explains why I love massage)..A bad habit that I really want to change..Is affecting my posture..

My poor bum really feels alittle sore today..

I hate it when I have both of them…Is usually the first tell-tale sign that I’m going to fall sick (though I shall not anyhow confess). I have been having flu since yesterday & I was hoping that it was just a sinus that will go away.It seem to worsen today & I have been sneezing the whole day at work…Argh!

What makes it worse was my throat is so painful just now during dinner that even drinking water hurts.I don’t like this feeling.

Weng was quite concerned if I caught the flu bug from him cos’ he’s been feeling “fluish” & coughing lately..Plus,the weather is alittle weird, one moment big sun,the next moment gloomy storms - this also cause him to be more prone to coughs & his asthma may “attack” sometimes.

Good thing that my CG is changed to Sat instead of tmr. Must get well before sat cos having evangelistic CG.

Hope is

An anticipation
A sensing of a bright future
A motivation to propel you
A progression
An ego booster
An adrenaline shot

But when hope is lost & done,one becomes

Discouraged
Rejected
No sense of purpose & hope
No motivation to soar like eagles anymore
Grouchy & grumpy

“I woke up this morning,feeling kinda blue…I dragged my feet across the room…”

Yes,this is opening line of Corrine May’s song - Angel in Disguise.

But this was how I felt this morning…I have a strong reluctance of not wanting to go to office.I just feel so suffocated at work.So many cases but so few manpower…I don’t even have time to breathe.
I nearly burst out crying due to the immense pressure & stress in the late afternoon.But I keep telling myself, “No,Rachel..you don’t let your tears flow in the office..Come on,be strong & bite the bullet & pull thru it…”

Today is the 3rd day that I didn’t eat lunch - cos I was simply too pissed,angry & not in the mood to eat.I rather go hungry…On the other hand,I asked myself, “Who will pity me if I really go hungry & fall sick?” The answer - NO ONE. Maybe subconsciously,probably,I was secretly hoping to fall sick,then I can report MC & not face the work for a day..But then,no one will cover me either since we are so short-handed now.It will still be back to square one.

The pressure is so bad that I have the sudden “chong dong” to write a resignation letter.Even though I have been thru the price war & the boom of the property mkt last year.I just felt that this time round,my fighting spirit is gone & there is no longer any motivation for me to want to stay OT & finished up the cases..Why? U may ask.. I always tell my mbrs that work will never be finished no matter how many OT u worked & we need to live a balanced life..The second reason is because there is no longer any appreciation being lavished, not that there used to be anyway…

Is a super BLUE MONDAY for me…And I don’t know how long can I take it…