3 December 2009
· Filed under Ministry
It’s one of those nights that I can’t sleep.
I don’t have insomnia problems and usually is when things bother me or I have “xin shi” then I can’t sleep.
So many wounded sheep but yet the healthy sheep are not really doing much to help, not stepping out of their comfort zone. Seems to me that everyone is so self-centered and couldn’t care less. No emotional support, that’s what one wounded said.
There are so many things that I want to do but how can I achieve them when I feel so lonely fighting the battle on my own? Even when I have met the mature ones and there are certain things that I have addressed before but still I don’t see any change. Either I’m very bad at motivating, encouraging, inspiring people or they are simply not teachable?
Throughout this whole year, I felt so alone in taking the group and I never really felt that they supported me and with me all the way. Have I not given my time, support, care & concern and prayers? Have I not done enough? They don’t even initiate to meet me for a meal or drink, just to fellowship. Now, with a little one, I wonder how I’m going to cope and whether can I still continue? I’m really tired taking the group – no breakthroughs, no deep relationship, my heart is grieved.
Someone said to me, “Many people in this world are takers, rather than givers..” One person told me that he/she felt that whatever he/she has given is more than what he/she has received..Well, that’s what I felt too..Sometimes, I too feel that I have been taken for granted but what can I do when I’m a leader.
Would anyone of them know that I’m writing this blog in the early hours at 1.30am when I still need to feed the little one? Who really cares if I cry over the group?
I’m so tired, so disappointed, with no more motivation, no more fighting spirit, no more reason to continue on…I’m also a normal human being and there’s also so much that I can handle.
It’s the hearts of the people that really saddens me…
26 March 2009
· Filed under Ministry
Two of my cg members are going for mission trip tmr..After being a leader for sometime,I’m really happy that finally I have members who want to go for mission trips and experience for themselves what it’s like to be out there in the mission field.
I’m proud of my members for taking that step of faith to do it. Though there were many last minute changes – like they were told at 7pm+ that is postponed to May. Then suddenly at10+,they were told that is on again. Mission trips are always like that – there will always be last minute changes here and there.
Just pray for my members to be able to rest well in the coach tmr morning and they will go there with a great attitude and their lives are tremendously impacted. I can’t wait to hear what they have to share with the cg next week..
31 January 2009
· Filed under Ministry
One of my CG member was sharing with us just now how God has blessed her in her job.
The God that we serve is indeed a God who is faithful & true to His words. Malachi says that “we can test God in the area of giving…” And indeed tithing opens up the heaven over our life.
In the midst of a economic recession where companies are cutting jobs, my member received a letter of promotion and pay increment of 15%. PRAISE THE LORD! One of the pleasure or happiness that I dervied in my serving as a CGL is to see all my members doing well & shining for the Lord.
I’m so happy for her. I pray that all my members will be protected from this economic storm & all of them will prosper, be promoted, favor of man & increment to come in their life.
I’m also praying for my bonus, which I will be receiving end Feb. I pray that God will answer the desires of my heart. In the midst of giving to A&B, renovating my hse, etc, God will be the One who adds into my (and of course my dear dear) life.
26 December 2008
· Filed under Ministry
It’s been a wet & rainy Xmas 2008 this year.
Good thing is it didn’t really dampen the mood though the feel of Xmas isn’t that strong this year. Probably due to the gloomy economy or the weather. It was still a joyous celebration in church, seeing many people touched by the love of God & giving their lives to Jesus.
Till now, I have not step into Orchard to see the Xmas lightings but my member was telling me that it’s not really that great. She said, “Oh,it was like many lights on a garbage truck lor…” I was like, “HUH, really??”..
Whether there’s Xmas light or not, Jesus is still the light of the world & I’m really happy that as a zone, we have 22 decisions made for Christ and I have 1 salvation decision in my CG. Praise The Lord!
15 November 2008
· Filed under Ministry, Thoughts & Reflections
Preaching in English has never been a problem for me and I thank God that He has given me the ability to speak well and be a person who is pretty eloquent. But having to preach in Chinese proves to be a challenge for me (not that I’m bad with Chinese,I can speak & write Chinese).
One of my CG mbrs have been having quite abit of challenges coming his way – issues that are still not resolved at work & his mum’s suspected illness + his second baby will be due in 2 months+ time. Since last Tue,the CG have been on prayer chain praying & interceding for him & his family.
Finally,the medical report of his mum is out on Thur. His mum has leukemia but is not acute and can only be controlled by taking medicine. Though the report is not what we desire,we still want to thank God that the illness is not acute and we will continue to pray agst it.
Immediately after he text me, I called him & encourage him. 10 mins after our phone call ended,he text me and asked, “Can I bring my mum to CG tonight?” OF COURSE, I said. Even though auntie understand abit of english,I told myself that I’m going to attempt to try preaching & translating into Chinese at the same time. I preached last week sermon about valleys of life & I tried my best to encourage auntie & my mbr thru the sermon. Before auntie left, we laid hands on her & my mbr and prayed for the family.
Yes,times may be tough for this family but if God is for us,who can be agst us? And I truly felt that there was a sense of unity as the CG began to embark on this prayer chain. The best part is this prayer chain was initiatied by the members themselves, which I really felt very encouraged that they are taking ownership and standing in the gap for one another.
Before my mbr left, he thank me & told me that I did a great job. What I have done is something that is so basic for me as a believer,not just because I’m the CGL. I know what I have done is nothing compared to the love & the things that God can do for auntie & this family.
Dear God, I’m praying that Your healing hands is upon auntie & You will continue to show this member the paths,the directions as he continue to seek You in prayer. I pray that You will bring him to a deeper and a closer walk with You. Not his will but Your will be done in his life. Amen.
29 October 2008
· Filed under Ministry
My CG is organizing a BBQ next week & I’m very proud of all my members. Instead of always waiting for instructions from me, they started the ball rolling by booking the pit,planning the food & even automatically inviting their friends to join us.
It started with one member emailing everyone to confirm if they can make it & somehow,the chain of emails started by the rest saying what they can help out with. Hmm.. Is this a hint to me that maybe next time I shall leave it to them to plan such outings/fellowship sessions? 
Probably when they begin to do it,there is a sense of belonging & ownership.
I’m really happy to see all of them putting their help & volunteering their service to make the BBQ a success. Now,we have to pray for good weather & all the friends will turn up & everyone will enjoy themselves and know one another even better.
29 September 2008
· Filed under Ministry, Thoughts & Reflections
Yes… I’m tired running after numbers every week & having to explain and account why I’m not hitting my target, why my cg is not growing, why my members are not reaching out, why there are no friends, etc, etc…
Although I know that growth is in the heart of pst but I just can’t help but feel that every week,we seems to be just trying to hit our target & is numbers,numbers & numbers. Though we say that is the souls that we want but have we lost the focus when chasing our numbers?
What’s more, I’m only given 3 more months to grow my cg & prove my capacity & ability in leading a cg. While I do not want to ’stress’ my members, I’m also running out of ideas on the things that we can do to engage the people. I don’t now & I can’t feel that my members are in it together with me. Do I really have to tell them the hard truth that the group will face disbandment if we don’t grow in 3 months (like what other leaders did)?
I do not know what else I can do. Things that I suggest to my members, sometimes, I also feel that they don’t do it. When I say is an evangelistic Cg, I don’t see or hear my connect grp leaders getting back to me about any friends or what they plan to do in their own connect grps. It seems that everyone is just so busy with their own lives & too busy to care about the needs of others. Have all of us taken a moment & do a check on our heart?
Maybe like what my ZS said, we all don’t have the capacity to grow our cg & we are easily defeated. Yeah,maybe that’s the truth & I admit that lack of faith for growth in CG is one of my weakness. And maybe that’s why I still can’t breakthrough out of that.
But beyond the lack of faith, I need my members to rise up, sense the urgency, build the unity & love in the CG and not lead individualistic lives. I need to know that they are also working together with me, ploughing through & working on their friends & families, plundering hell & populating heaven – all these, I don’t sense it all all.
So,my battery is running low & I don’t know how long I will sustain.
24 September 2008
· Filed under Daily Life, Ministry, Thoughts & Reflections
I’m not just stressed but is “triplelly stressed” (if there’s ever such a word)…
Having to worry whether is there a hse that I can go back to at nite…to having to grow my cg in the next 3 mths…to worrying abt hubby’s career…
It seems that is just one of those times when everything comes at one shot to cripple me…But a friend just said to me over the phone that is times like this that we need the peace of God & understands what the peaced of God is…
The day started with an awakening news that I may not even be able to stay temporary at my current place for 6 mths while I hunt for my own hse…What a way to start the day…Hving to remove valuables stuff & some of our personal belongings..
In the evening, my zs told a few of us that we hv only until end of the year to grow our CG,to get it from the red back on track again..What’s the problem? The mbrs are generally good & nice people but is evangelism a lifestyle for them? Are they really engaging the mktplace & making a difference? Are they really shining for the Lord? What abt the unity in the CG? – A question that bothered me again & again…What are all the older members who hv been ard in church doing? Are they influencing the younger ones or those from another church? Do they really carry the CHC DNA? I’m stressed,worried & running out of ideas how to grow the CG. It seems that I hv so much burdens & concerns but there is none whom I can openly share in the CG,for fear that they will feel stressed…It seems that I’m the only one who is running the race..
I will also wonder how hubby is coping at work..I know that it is a faith action that he hv a switch in career & though I will always support whatever he does & be his greatest cheerleader..But, sometimes, there will be this ringing voice at the back of your mind that you will worry about money & financial issues.. (Dear,if you are reading this, pls dont feel stressed,it is not the purpose of this blog)..
28 July 2008
· Filed under Ministry
Yes…After graduating from SCA for so many years,I finally put some of the skills I learned to good use. I wanted to do an evangelistic CG last week since there’s no big days in July & it’s also to gear the members for FOP this week.
Sick & tired of the usual potblessing,blah,blah,blah kind of stuff…An idea come to do a mini drama CG..Though it was just a simple 5-8 mins play,I’m really happy with myself for doing it..And I’m already thinking of doing another for Xmas where I get activate more members to be involved & hopefully with some props..
My script carries meaning,is not just an anyhow script that I wrote…Is about 2 colleagues who can’t see eye to eye & they are always at loggerheads..But things change when one rec’d the love of Christ & this person even offer her apologies to that colleague…Of course,the story must end with reconciliation of the 2 colleagues & changes in their relationship.
Is a good thing I still remember this hidden skill or talent that I have…
30 June 2008
· Filed under Ministry, Thoughts & Reflections
One of the thing that really encourages me alot in my ministry is when I hear my members sharing their problems/challenges with me.I know how most people probably will not want to hear negative news or problems.But for me,the fact that they shared with me tells me that I have built a relationship with them & they trust me & feel comfortable enough with me that they are willing to share.
Yesterday during prayer meeting,one of my member shared with me the problems at home.I listened & I know at that point of time,I do not really have a solution for this member.All I can do then was to offer my listening ear,not just mere listening with my ears but hearing with my heart,understand & feel the emotions that is attached with it.I know that it is defintely not by human strength or wisdom that can overcome this challenge.God must really do a miracle for this member.At that point of time,I have a lot to say but as we are in prayer meeting,I can’t say much either.But I have decided to write a letter to this member.
We know that being a CGL is not easy,especially when we are handling lives;souls that matter to God.But sometimes what the members need may not be a solution.Probably, sometimes, all they need is our listening ear,prayers & support.
Through what this member shared,I’m really encouraged in my ministry because the member trust me enough to share though this member is very much older than me,went through more hard knocks in life than me,just like the saying that says,’I eat salt more then you eat rice’.
Sometimes,this is the kind of sharing that keeps me going in my ministry as a CGL.
