Archive for Reflections

The poor role of a birthday coordinator sometimes

17 August 2008 · Filed under Daily Life, Reflections

I was talking to one of my peers on Fri over msn,saying that we need to celebrate someone’s birthday in the coming week. So the reply was “Ok”… Then I asked, “So am I supposed to get my own present”? She went “HUH”… So I said, “Never mind if you didn’t get what I was saying”…

It ended up that I finally told her what it was when she continued to probe. She offered to get my present but I told her No since I knew that she is financially tight & the rest haven’t even given their portion of share in the zone contribution. She offered someone else, which I said “Is Ok.. I think I’m used to it already”…Cos nobody appreciates or probably remembers it anyway..and that’s the sad part of being the birthday coordinator sometimes” (and to think that I’m also the part-time administrator cum treasurer)… So, I said maybe I will go get my own gift (if I really have the time & if I can remember) & pass it to this peer before we start the meeting.. How sincere can it get…

I was contemplating of not even getting the gift but I can foresee how the situation will turn up cos someone happen to share the same birthday as me. He probably be the only one who will remember but then, he won’t think about getting someone else to get my gift cos’ he simply cannot multi-task & he probably trust that someone else will do the job. Imagine we sang Birthday Song to him & he probably says “What about Rachel?”… That’s why things will get blown up.

I’m still toying with this thought…Cos I still haven’t got time to get the gift… (To think that my buddy has already asked me for my wishlist)… What an irony cos these people are the ones that I see every week & supposedly, we are to fight together as one…It sets me thinking “where is the closeness & unity?” Is not just about the birthday but there is no sense of togetherness or oneness..

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Leaving & Entering

16 August 2008 · Filed under Reflections, The journey to Wedding, Writings

Leaving a place of shelter & protection
Leaving a place of familiarity
Leaving a place where I am the princess
And stepping into a place of the unknown
Entering into a future with apprehension,fears and anticipation

With hope and expectation on one hand
But also with worries and fears on the other hand

Faith,this is when I need you

God,I still choose to believe in You
The perfect One who never fails
The One who will comfort me
The One who will uphold me
The One I can always run to and hide

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Guys just want to have fun,what about the girls?

16 August 2008 · Filed under Reflections, The journey to Wedding

After Tue mtg this week,Pst Kong wanted to meet all the females & males (i.e. CGL/ML/SOT) separately. We have guessed what topic Pst wanted to share with us - relationship between a man & a woman. Pst is very concerned over the singles in church,which is why there is a need to split us.

Pst is really a good spiritual father,watching & praying over each & everyone of us. He not just encourages the sisters but he also taught practical things that the sisters can do or cannot do. Though I wasn’t in the man’s section,but I figured out that 90% of what Pst shared with the sisters,he also did it to the brothers. The only difference is probably the top 3 needs of a man vs a woman & the questions that were asked.

So on the way home,I was asking Weng about what Pst shared with them since he heard what Pst shared with the sisters as he was doing oscar. He shared briefly with me until he came to this point where Pst said that the top first need of a man is “Recreation companionship” (the 2nd need is Attractivess & the 3rd need is Admiration,if u want to know)…Pst said,guys just want to have fun (Pst is so funny to say that “sorry,we are very shallow”…hahaaa).

Weng was saying that when Pst shared this point,he looked at RJ,Alex & they began to laugh,which I find it amusing.So I probed but he was a little reluctant to say at first..But then,I quoted what Pst say about the top 3rd need of a woman is openness & honesty (the top 1st need is affection,followed by conversation)…

So he said,when he looked at Kw,he also quite sian cos Kw can’t join them in their outing (with the gang) & Kw also quite sad. Weng said that he feels that he will miss his friends alot (although they all agreed that is not a bad thing,just need time to get used to the martial status & probably the married life)…

After he said that,I went complete silence throughout the whole journey…Not that I’m angry or what…Just that I need to filter that thought,digest,think over & ponder…

I believe I will miss my friends too…But that does not mean that I stop him from going out with his friends. Neither does it mean that I stop fellowshipping with my friends.. Just that our priorities in life do change when we enter different seasons of our life. To most of the women,I believe that family is still their top priority, which is why many ladies are willing to sacrifice (sometimes even at their own expense) just so to hold the family together, for the sake of the children & husband. For majority of the women,our lives do revolve around our husband,children & family after getting married because I believe this is our commitment to them.

I think I have never stop him from going out with anybody or taking away the freedom of him hanging around with his friends. In fact,I think most of the time,we do fellowship a lot with his friends. The times that we spent together as a couple by ourselves is not as many as compared to the times that we spend together with our friends…Nothing bad about that & I’m not complaining…Just that I feel that sometimes a little more accountability do helps do make me feel more assured & secured..And he probably knows (I hope he knows..Even if he does not know,he prob won’t ask either) why sometimes I just go quiet when I hear him going out with a particular person(s) or group…Most of the time,I choose to tune off because I do not want to know the activities that are involved or the places that they went….Even though sometimes,in my heart,I really do hope that he will not go but still I will not voice it out.

Some kind of fun I can appreciate & enjoy…but there are just some kind of fun (which is fun to one but it does not seem so to me & I’m not referring to the “swimming” session) that I cannot appreciate…I’m not being super spiritual but certain kind of fun are just not in my makeup…

When he made the comment about Kw,it also brought to my memory a question that I used to have (which sometimes still pop out occasionally) - have he ever had a tinge of regret about getting married? Because I always felt that he’s not ready to settle down for marriage until another 1-3 years..I always had the feeling that he wants to have a few years of fun with his friends before settling down..Though the wedding preparations went ahead & he participate,but somehow or rather, this question do rings in my mind sometimes… Is this pre-wedding fears? Or am I simply thinking too much?

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Seeking God in the morning

15 August 2008 · Filed under Daily Life, Reflections

I have never really been a morning person.To wake up at 6am,wash-up,put on make-up & then go for morning prayer meeting is a struggle for me. My flesh will be telling me to go back & sleep,keep snoozing the alarm…The last time that I have to wake up at 6am was 10 yrs ago when I was still in JC. I don’t even wake up so early to go SOT last year.

I really struggled on the first day & was trying to stir myself,especially we were seated down.Throughout that whole monday,I was feeling tired & lethargic.But when Tue came,suddenly,there seems to be new strength that came upon me as I began to pray.I felt good & even after praying,I felt that the joy of the Lord was with me the whole day.I was happy & cheery the whole day.Though Tue was a super long long nite for me,having a great session with Rev Bambung, having our spiritual dad talking to us about his concerns & most of all having to wait for Weng until our spiritual dad finished with the guys..I still needed to wait some more until he verify the oscar..I was not as tired as I thought I will be.
By the time I lie on my bed,it’s almost 130am..But I was still pretty alive in my spirit..

It sure is good to seek God’s face & His glory early in the morning.It really sets a difference platform for the whole day.I felt more renewed & more energy throughout the whole day…Maybe I should consider changing the time I do my daily devotion .

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Change

14 July 2008 · Filed under Reflections

Following my earlier post,my friend say that I have changed alot…The other day,when I added another sec sch friend in my Facebook,he also said that I have changed alot till he almost didn’t recognize me..Plus they used to call me by my Chinese name during my Primary - JC days..

So,I began to wonder - have I changed that much?

Change - definitely Yes..And I like to think that I have change & become prettier… :) At least I choose to think that is from an ugly ducking to a beautiful swan…From not knowing who to put on make-up & dressing till knowing how to do so with confidence…This is my blog & this is my freedom…Whatever you can see it,you can have it..Positive words brings positive actions & results…

But beyond the exterior changes,there is also the internal changes that have taken place ever since Jesus starts living in me…From someone who is always feeling inadequate, having no sense of security,not knowing what destiny I can have to someone who can lead a CG today,being confident & comfortable in who I am,I think I have come a long way & the works,molding,pruning,cleaning,etc,etc that God has done in my life is something that cannot be erased or removed…Friends,we are the living testimony that Jesus is alive & He still changes lives today…

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Hope & lost hope

7 July 2008 · Filed under Reflections, Writings

Hope is

An anticipation
A sensing of a bright future
A motivation to propel you
A progression
An ego booster
An adrenaline shot

But when hope is lost & done,one becomes

Discouraged
Rejected
No sense of purpose & hope
No motivation to soar like eagles anymore
Grouchy & grumpy

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Father & son

6 July 2008 · Filed under Reflections

Someone sent me a post few days ago about a boy & his father on God Tube.

The son will always asked the father, “Shall we go and join the marathon?” To which,the father always replied,”Yes”. So,father & son went on to participate numerous marathons until one day the son asked the father,”Why don’t we go & join the Ironman?” Once again,the father said,”Yes”.

In the video,you will notice that the son is physically disabled & he is scrawny & thin. He has to be placed in the boat while his dad swam & attached a string to his back so that the boat can sail along with him.As he cycles,he need to place the son on the seat in front of him while he is the sole person cycling.

This video touches my heart - it is a reflection of how Father God is. HE always carries us when we run,when we swim or when we cycle. HE always runs along this race with us,holding our hands & never letting go until we reach our destination. If an earthly father can love & do so much for his son,what more our Heavenly Father?

Inside every heart is a deep longing & desire to be love & to give love…

We all need the Father’s love.

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Share your revelation

30 June 2008 · Filed under Daily Life, Reflections

When God gives us a revelation,He don’t expect to keep it to ourself.

Weng was just sharing with me yesterday night about how he got a revelation from God about his ushers.He said twice in a week,he can’t sleep & was tossing & turning.Then he decide to go & pray.As he begin to worship God & started praying,God spoke to him & he received a revelation.

The first revelation happened last week & that caused him to write a usher training material proposal & he happily spent 3 hours doing it until 5am..That’s amazing, considering that he’s not someone into writing & stuff.The second revelation came last Sat when God spoke to him abt the verse, “Many are called but few are chosen”..He was pondering over the verse until God spoke to him.So,during his sunday briefing, he shared with his team leaders to encourage them & in turn,he hopes that the team leaders will encourage the ushers.

He got really excited abt his revelations & how God spoke to him that he actually talked & talked while I just listened..For him to talk alot,that’s unusual.. :)

After this sharing,I just had a thought abt a question that someone asked my ZS the other day.The question posted by that member was, “What’s the difference between being a Christian and a non-Christian? If I work hard as a non-Christian,I can also prosper & do well in life.” No doubt about that.The greatest difference is as believers,we know where we are going after death,we know we have a place in eternity.

The same question goes, “What’s the difference between a marriage between 2 believers and 2 non-believers?” For me,I guess,is the spirituality,the protection & covering of God upon the marriage.As 2 believers began to share their revelation or journey with God,we can always identify the eternal impact that it has on our life,our family & this world that we live in.

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I’m encouraged

30 June 2008 · Filed under Ministry, Reflections

One of the thing that really encourages me alot in my ministry is when I hear my members sharing their problems/challenges with me.I know how most people probably will not want to hear negative news or problems.But for me,the fact that they shared with me tells me that I have built a relationship with them & they trust me & feel comfortable enough with me that they are willing to share.

Yesterday during prayer meeting,one of my member shared with me the problems at home.I listened & I know at that point of time,I do not really have a solution for this member.All I can do then was to offer my listening ear,not just mere listening with my ears but hearing with my heart,understand & feel the emotions that is attached with it.I know that it is defintely not by human strength or wisdom that can overcome this challenge.God must really do a miracle for this member.At that point of time,I have a lot to say but as we are in prayer meeting,I can’t say much either.But I have decided to write a letter to this member.

We know that being a CGL is not easy,especially when we are handling lives;souls that matter to God.But sometimes what the members need may not be a solution.Probably, sometimes, all they need is our listening ear,prayers & support.

Through what this member shared,I’m really encouraged in my ministry because the member trust me enough to share though this member is very much older than me,went through more hard knocks in life than me,just like the saying that says,’I eat salt more then you eat rice’.

Sometimes,this is the kind of sharing that keeps me going in my ministry as a CGL.

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Thots fm a movie

11 June 2008 · Filed under Reflections

This post came alittle too late…(cos’ I was really tired after watching the show on a friday night)

I was watching this Korean movie last friday when channel surfing. It was a love story between a man who was divorced & a girl who didn’t heed her parents advice & married him.

The man always bore a hatred towards his mum as he felt that the mum was irresponsible & abandon him & went to jail when he was very young.He was put into the care of a old carpenter man,who was not that fatherly or loving.Though the old man made him to all sorts of chores but he taught him carpentry - which made him pretty successful.

Because of his wife & the words that she said,he threw away his hurts & baggages toward the mum & engage a lawyer to fight her case,using all his hard-earned money that they wanted to build a dream house. One sentence she said struck me, “Hatred is giving more room in our hearts but forgiveness is also giving more room in our hearts”.

All seems bliss until the wife was hit with a sickness - a sickness that causes the brain to lose its memory.Slowly & surely, she will begin to forget her job,colleagues, family & her husband,etc…
Is a scary sickness & she is only 27 yrs old in the movie.
She wanted to leave the husband,thinking that she will be a burden to him..

There were several scenes where she can’t remember the husband & she even mistook the ex-boyfriend as the husband.Imagine how he felt? But he never gave up & he was so patient to pin the whole house with post-it notes of reminders,their pics together,address,telephone,etc…

One fine day,when she suddenly remembered her husband, she wrote him a letter thanking him for his love but she still chose to leave..My heart cringe when I saw the husband sobbing in tears. He must missed the wife badly…But he never gave up hope..He did all he can to trace her..

He even got both families, the old carpenter man to help him re-enact the scene where they knew each other…The ending scene showed her asking this question, “Is this heaven?” and them driving to the mountains..

Well,is up to one’s imagination on whether she was really miraculously healed or not..I like to think that she is..What really touches my heart was the deep love they had for each other & the man never gives up hope..

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